Recently, I started a Facebook album with what I like (“j’aime” is more “like” than “love” in most cases). It was supposed to focus on positive things because, you know, aimer is a positive feeling…until it’s not…or it depends on the context 😬
So, even from the third post I went on a negative vibe by saying that I like early Christmas spirit which means “annoying people” – I actually do not like Christmas or any celebration for the sheer reason that people have to be happy this time of the year. There is something counterfeit about the happiness everyone shows around this time. Also, I like to listen to carols…whenever… not necessarily on Christmas. I do like snow only on Christmas though, but we usually don’t have any then. *fingers crossed for this year*…or in the mountains…
Yesterday, I had the most naive thought in a while (like in the last week or so): I thought that if I smile a lot, I will develop pronounced smile wrinkles when I’m older, that will make my face look like it’s smiling all the time. Now, I do not really believe it, but it was a thought which made me happy. I do want to smile as much as possible just because, and I do like wrinkles. Not on my face necessarily, but I like them. 😆
Like this one:
I mean, it will take a while before I get there. I have plenty of time to work at my wrinkles.
However, this post is about something else. I got to thinking that at one point I will say “j’aime me faire du mal toute seule”* because I feel art needs negative feelings to flourish: it has to come from some sadness, frustration or even anger in order to have depth and a strong message. Even if the message is a positive or happy one, the driver behind its creation is still some negative feeling. If not, it’s just a superficial work that has only aestethics on its side, but no real meaning, it’s rather a work of craftmanship that artistry.
Focusing on the positive of liking scares me because of this belief I have. I fear I will not be able to make art anymore. It’s not all bad, maybe then I can make works of craft, like the first step of the new project, which I feel very little desire towards. It’s just something I feel I must do, but don’t really want to, since those will be just lamps. Truly, I don’t know what I worry about. I mean life is life and it will find a way to screw me over and frustrate me enough to get inspiration for my art if that’s what it takes. Best enjoy the good times when they happen. Also, I do not let fear guide me, so if I want to focus on the positive that is what I will do!
…but do I really want to?…
*I am one of those people that creates drama when everything is peachy perfect. #maymyproblemsalwaysbeonlytheonesicrateformyself