Art therapy

One of the reasons I like Niki de Saint Phalle is that she healed herself through art… By “healed” I mean she managed to live a fulfilling and seemingly happy life, as opposed to her without art when she ended up in the psychiatric hospital.
Since my brain was is obsessing with something unhealthy, it also developped a different obsession while I was in Italy which started from a dream I had right before going on this trip. The dream was about something in my main story (I sometimes write, but mostly just imagine stories). I do not remember it much, but the action took place in the interior courtyard of a former university that was destroyed for reasons I will not get into, mostly political and based on fear, so basically, the usual. This place became a sanctuary for some of the characters and I decided to draw it.

Even if in the dream, it was clear I realized that awake I cannot really picture it. So, I spent some time during my walks through Florence looking for this courtyard. I wasn’t really expecting to find it as the building in my head is modern, but I did because at its core it was just a medieval structure.
Well, actually the building I got hooked on, Basillica San Lorenzo, dates from 1424-46.

I spent an entire day there drawing the…two interior courtyards it has.

Finally, the courtyard I imagined combined the two and drawing it was a good way to spend the down time while at the exhibition.

I finished it, while at a coffee shop on my last day in Florence, which turned out to be rainy, and me so into the life of the city that running around seeing stuff was no longer something I desired.

I continued to draw almost everyday since then. Drawing is a joy I rarelly get to have, so this feels like haven. More so since the new album from Céline Dion provides so much inspiration.

What comes next is partly a commercial for the album, which I’m only paid for in inspiration ( which is priceless).

My next project is about feelings and hearts, which I’ve been drawing without rest since getting back home.

And Céline is all about feelings and hearts. Therefore, a perfect match, as if it was ever any different.

I started drawing my own vision of Heart of glass:

Until now, I’ve been leaving in a heart of glass…until now…

You took a chance on me

Risk and your hands may bleed”

Two things:

You might have given me the tool, but you are not the first to trow it at me. Just that this time I was ready to act and it was ME who broke the glass.

The whole point of this is that no one else is to blame for what you or I are going through. You are an active factor in your life and the one with the most control. Your OWN choices got you where you are. Own it. No one is really to blame. If you let someone hurt you it was still YOU who allowed them. Do not hurt yourself more by blaming others for what you go through. Oh… You are not to blame either… Figure that shit out!

Would also like to draw attention to the broken glass in my hand. Whoever thinks they are so holier that haven and wanna help me get up: fais moi plaisir and do not hurt yourself.

It is hard to comprehend, but I am fine on my own, especially since I need people to draw inspiration from, even if I have my muses.

I gained one more muse this year and I feel so rich it scares me because this muse… I could lose her. I was never faced with a muse I could lose before and from here comes all the emotional richness that fuels this project inspired by none other that Florence Welch with her heart breaking song Heavy in you arms that has haunted me ever since it’s release nine years ago and has stuck this new idea in my head for over a year now.

“Heavy heart”

The other song on “Courage” that was most inspiring is Look at us now:

“Two broken hearts on the ground”

Self explanatory, however the reason they are broken differs and mine…thrives in pain.

Give it up, give it up

I ain’t gonna save you

Give it up, give it up

Now

There is that song that one cannot listen to unless…

“Soul”

I’m not made of steel
I’m not made of stone
And I’m not made of glass that breaks in pieces on the floor
I’m not made of armor
I’m made of something stronger
I’m made of hard-earned blood and sweat and flesh and bone

I’m made of soul

This song actually opened my mind to what’s the next step after the first step in this new project and the funny thing is that both steps will be taken more or less in the same time. It’s gonna be a jump into something new and exciting that I so look forward to …and that I must do alone. Pourvu qu’elle (🕊️) comprend ça 🥺

There was one more drawing I wanted to do inspired by Best of all, which alongside Boundaries and Lying down are my favorite songs, but I cannot put my whole world in a drawing.

It’s not just my heart

You have my whole damn world

What’s more, no one ( not even Arya) can have my whole world because they cannot pass the guardian, my ultimate dove and saviour.

I do not believe in God, I believe in something better. In someone real.

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Me, ofc ☺️

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One drawing inspired by a German song snuck in:

Und ich trag dein Herz in meiner Hand
Bis wir den Mut zum Träumen wieder spüren